I have been managed by a handful of counsellors,
psychologists, psychiatrist, GP’s, nutritionists, dieticians and holistic
health medicine professionals in the past 7 years. About three weeks before the
Frantic Goal Crushers Nutrition Challenge was due to start, I had fallen into a
bit of a rut with overcoming the eating disorder I had been battling for the
past 7 years. I had seen the Challenge, read to posts and considered it for a
few minutes, before thinking it was going to be too much for me to deal with
for where I was mentally at that point of time.
Three days before the
start of the challenge I got a message from my training partner who had just
realised how far I had fallen.
She promised to do it with me and to help me through it
where I needed her. She would check in with me daily to make sure I had met the
marcos for the day, she talked and coaxed me into eating dinner while crying
for the first three weeks almost every night. She made a deal with me, knowing
that meeting the numbers 100% every day for 8 weeks was probably a bit of a big
ask for the state I was currently, so if I managed to get myself there on 50/56
days in the 8 weeks, I could buy a pair of Oly’s (crossfit shoes). Nothing like
a bit of external motivation to sweeten the deal. The truth is I’m a big girl and
really I could buy the Oly’s if I wanted to, but it so much better when you
work hard to earn something rather then just buy it straight out.
I had different people in my crowd of health professionals
telling me to do different things – this is too much for you to handle at once
– you shouldn’t be traumatised to the state of panic and tears trying to get
food in. I had others telling me what have you got to lose? If you can push
yourself through this for 8 weeks and it doesn’t work for you, you have only
lost 8 weeks and you can go back to the way you were surviving after, but to
forgo the control I had been so adamant about to someone else’s plan 100%.
Week three was the tough one. Carb’s were continuing to go
up and I was going interstate for 4 days. As a part of the issues I have with
food, one big one is eating in front of other people. So I was travelling with
a group of 7 who were spending every waking moment together for 4 days….this
meant breakfast lunch and dinner. My goal going into those four days were less
about meeting my marco goal for the day, and just physically being able to eat
in front of the people I was with. So as a result I got 4 ‘red days’ as in days
I didn’t meet my macro goal because I was just trying to get anything in, even
if it was just lettuce. I came home and had to try and get back into the
challenge again which was when I almost said it was too much.
My training partner talked me into keep trying, take it one
day at a time and got me back on track. A couple of people knew what I was
trying to achieve and I got some pretty awesome messages of support throughout
the 8 weeks which reminded me, even on the days when I just didn’t think I could
do it, to keep pushing and it would be worth it, that my life in the end, is
worth it.
This week was the last of the challenge, and as per the
start, we had to scan back in…because you can say you’ve done all the right
things, but really it’s the scan that doesn’t lie. For me it wasn’t the result
of the scan that I was doing it for. I was doing it to try and re-wire my brain
to know that it I ok to eat and just how much I do have to eat of maintain the
life I live, in a healthy way. Any changes to my body composition would be a
bonus. In saying that throughout the past 8 weeks I have lost 3kg in body fat
which resulted in a 4% drop in my body fat percentage as well as putting on
0.8kg of lean muscle mass. I knew
that seeing the scan result was going to be hard because it just reinforced how
screwed up (in the nicest possible way) my perception is in regards to all that
stuff. But I need to treat it as a reminder that what I am doing is in my
health’s best interest, that an active body like mine does actually require a
hell of a lot of food to fuel what I put it through each day. I am unbelievably
thankful to my coach – for his incredible support throughout this past 8 weeks
and in the ongoing battle that I have to come and for putting the challenge to
his members to educate them so well. I am also more than thankful to my
training partner, who without her desperate plea for me to try, not much would
have changed in the past 8 weeks I would still be in the same rut, barely
surviving.
